The 4 Qualities Every Relationship Needs In Order To Survive.

These are the secret to lasting love!

It may come as a surprise to you that there are 4 qualities that set the destiny of every relationship — but by the time you have finished reading, you will recognize them in yourself and understand why past relationships have gone as they did and why present relationships are going as they are.

So what are the 4 qualities of a healthy relationship ?

Sincerity Availability Interest Cooperativeness

I'm going to explain each of them, show how they work, together, and how they apply to relationships:

1. Sincerity

Sincerity is being true to your word and true to yourself. That means, not only keeping your word but only giving your word if you feel right with yourself, doing so.

I understand that there are situations where you feel compelled to give your word on something. If you feel compelled, you can't be sincere about it.

Sincerity is not, "being really persuasive", or being really emotional about something. Sincerity is a condition of alignment between thoughts, feelings, and actions — without internal conflict, misgivings, or second-guessing. It's being true to yourself.

2. Availability

Availability is being present — not just in some psychological sense, but also physically present. It's being present to being seen, heard, and felt.

Again, I understand that there are situations where you feel compelled to make yourself available.

If you feel compelled to make yourself available, you're not wholehearted about it — and if you're not wholehearted about it, you're not really available.

Being available is not merely being available in some nominal way, like, "Call me, anytime." Being available is an emotional and physical state. It's being capable of listening and being honest.

Lying and deception are forms of unavailability. So are breaking one's word — our first hint at how these qualities work, together.

3. Interest

Interest is having an attraction to a situation, person, subject, or thing. Interest may be feigned, but you know the difference. If it takes effort to "stay interested", you're not really interested.

Again, I understand that there are times when you are not really interested in something, but you force yourself to stay with it. Sometimes, necessity is a factor. Just don't confuse that with interest.

Being interested is a form of, "eros" — being strangely attracted to something . It's unreasonable. If you're interested for "a reason", there's a "should" in there, somewhere, rather than that you simply "are interested".

Sometimes, you feel wrong being interested in something or someone. That's too bad, for you — not because you're interested, but because you feel wrong, about it. Anyway, you're not really in a quandary. If you take into account all four of the qualities, in yourself and in the other , you can be pretty clear about the situation.

Sometimes, you need to dig a little deeper to sift out the "should" from the "I am."

(At the end of this piece, I provide a power-tool for that kind of excavation — a very powerful power tool. Are you interested?")

4. Cooperativeness Cooperativeness is "co" ("with") and "operativeness" ("doing-ness"). If you're doing something with someone, you two are cooperating. If you're on a date, with someone, you're cooperating, at least as far as having gotten together. If, on the other hand, one of you is not really interested, not really available , or not really sincere — it's a bad date or "date over" or "marriage over". Again, I understand that, at times, you have to cooperate under those conditions. Maybe your boss (or partner) has asked you to do something you're not really into, at that moment. You may go through the motions, out of necessity. Just don't confuse that with cooperativeness. It isn't that; it's, "compliance". "Thank you for your cooperation," is something generally said when you did something you didn't really want to do. Cooperation is whole-hearted; otherwise, conflicting motivations creep in and spoil the experience. Which kind of cooperation would you want in a relationship? How do they work together? By now, you've already started to see that, but I want to be thorough and show you how, for a relationship of any kind to be successful, all four need to be in line and working synergistically. The word for that is, "integrity" or "authenticity". I'm going to present pairs of these four, all of them. You may take a moment with each pair and experience, "the light going on", as you suddenly feel them unite (integrate). There are six '"aligned" pairings: Sincerely available Sincerely interested Sincerely cooperative Interested availability Interested in cooperating Available to cooperate And, of course, the "truth standards": Sincerely sincere Interestedly interested Cooperatively cooperative Available to being available Any resistance to these pairings reveals "where you're at" in relationships . It reveals your character to yourself.